No one ever quite figured out if Gorilla Olshey was talking about the article of clothing or the hit USA lawyer drama. If anyone got in his path, he would stand up on two legs and scream “SUUUUITTTSS” in their face. Every Wednesday afternoon, Neil would adopt a gorilla-like stand and amble through the hallways of the practice facility, grunting the word “Suits” over and over.Olshey would just laugh and say, “Nothing…I just like looking at the future of the franchise.” Olshey would continue to perform this ritual long after McCollum turned 27, the age statisticians generally regard as an NBA player’s productive peak. Eventually, McCollum would break the silence, inquiring as to what it was Olshey needed to speak to him about. Known to call CJ McCollum into his office, where they would sit in silence for half an hour while Olshey just looked at him.It’s called creating value.” Not harassment or intimidation, per se, but certainly unnerving. I recorded the whole show with my VHS machine, so I wouldn’t have to buy the DVDs.
“Daddy needs the Culligan man to swap out this jug,” “Daddy needs more toilet paper in his office throne room,” “Daddy’s looking for more pick and rolls from the Tallboy” (Olshey’s derisive nickname for Terry Stotts), “Daddy needs to go home and fire up the latest Suits. Olshey’s tendency to call himself “Daddy” infected many of his daily interactions. Would occasionally walk into the weight room and say “…fellas pumping the holy iron…Daddy loves it, baby,” while eating a Payday bar.If there were two centers in the room at the same time, he would apply little modifiers to clarify which one he was talking to: Jusuf Nurkic was “Beard Meyers,” Mason Plumlee was christened “Square-shaped Meyers,” Robin Lopez went by “Hunched Longhair Meyers,” Enes Kanter was “CIA Meyers,” while JJ Hickson, Hassan Whiteside, Ed Davis, Skal Labissière, and Georgios Papagiannis were collectively and individually christened “Not Meyers.” Olshey called all the centers on the team “Meyers,” even after Meyers Leonard was jettisoned from the organization in 2019.I cannot know which claims are true and which are exaggerations, but I feel it is my responsibility to let the readers decide for themselves the veracity of the allegations that highly placed individuals definitely said to me. My notes, mostly still legible through the omelet grease, show that Olshey exhibited some profoundly troubling behavior during his time as Blazers GM. I am “Sourced” in the “Org,” with a high-placed source who regularly met me behind the Dockside dumpster with some quality dirt (and excellent weed).